"22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Saviour. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a]28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
Ephesians 5:22-33
What was said in the previous Note leads to something that requires to be said about the nature of the submission enjoined for womankind here. It will be noticed - and husbands will do well particularly to notice - the words 'as unto the Lord'. This means that the obedience that a wife gives to her husband is regarded as part of her obedience to the Lord. And - husbands, please note - it is something the Lord requires and commands, not something the husband has a right to require or command. It is safe to say that if this had been realised down the years, a great deal of steam would have been taken out of the whole feminist debate. It is to be feared, however, that the teaching has become sadly distorted in many men's minds. There are men who speak - and act - about the headship of the man with a callousness and heartlessness - not to say crass arrogance - that is reminiscent of the attitude of the Middle Ages when womenfolk were treated as nothing more than goods and chattels. Paul would simply not have countenanced such an attitude, it would have been foreign to his whole conception. There is no mandate in Scripture given to any man to lord it over his wife in this arrogant, boorish and ill-mannered way. What is it that makes some men like this? Well, sometimes it is really like a relic of the Middle Ages and can be put down to a cruel, heartless, contemptuous streak. But sometimes it is something else: it may be a kind of psychological quirk, the expression of a sense of insecurity or infirmity by which a man hides behind this injunction because, subconsciously, he feels he cannot be a real man without it. He therefore needs to bolster an uncertain ego. This could certainly be called 'handling the Word of God deceitfully.' Such men, far from fulfilling the biblical pattern and teaching, are in fact furthest away from it. Their relationship is a frightening - and sometimes tragic - parody of the true teaching. They need to get wise to themselves. They really deserve the blistering attacks that feminists make upon them. They are a disgrace to the gospel.